Could It Be That Simple

I had an interesting conversation this evening that got me thinking quite a bit about things. I was discussing the fact that three years ago, I had such laser focus while I was following a ketogenic diet. I was finally in my goal weight range and felt great about my success. It seemed to come easy for me, as I just did what I needed to do. Here I am, several years later, having gone astray from that way of eating and finding myself battling the bulge, as I have done throughout my life. My question to my companion was what was it that clicked and gave me that laser focus and what was it that made it disintegrate over time. Her answer? Laziness and lack of discipline when things got hard.

WELL!!!

So now, here I sit, still full from my Thanksgiving dinner that was over HOURS ago, and I can’t get that conversation out of my head. Could it really be that simple? Well…why not? Why does it have to be some complicated secret hormone that was running rampant in my body back then but finally got all used up and left me with a case of the fuck-its and the only way to reactivate it is by finding my anatomical equivalent of CTRL+ALT+DEL?

I’ve been replaying the last three years over and over in my mind in regards to this revelation. After all, since then, I’ve quit one job and moved from one intra-state metroplex to another without having a job set up, started a new job, quit new job, started another job, moved to an apartment closer to current job, was thrown into a pandemic and INSANE presidential election, moved into a different, MUCH BETTER, apartment, and am now in the process of searching for another new job since the current job pays next to nothing. I mean, no biggie, right?!

So, I’ve been asking myself, “Am I being lazy?” The truth is, YEAH! I’ve been a fucking couch potato!!!!! I’ve been slacking when it comes to food prepping because I’m BORED AS HELL with eating the same thing all the time. What’s ironic about that is that when I was following a ketogenic diet, I ate a lot of the same things quite often and had no problem. Again, I had that laser focus.

Here’s where I’m finding the shit getting real. I can rationalize all I want as to why I’m not eating healthy or being a lazy ass. The truth is, when you run out of motivation, THAT is when the discipline has to kick in. It’s like the discipline is your personal cruise control. So, I guess that is the bottom line as to why diet after diet for me fails. I don’t have the discipline to keep it going even when the motivation wanes. But, that in itself is bullshit! That’s the lie I’m telling myself. Discipline is the saving grace I need to turn to when I find my motivation fading or just flat-out gone!

So, this is where I’m going to start. I’m going to follow this pattern: start by being disciplined about my health (diet & exercise) until the motivation kicks in and then ride that motivation wave until I run ground, and then switch back to discipline until the motivation kicks in again…and repeat over and over for the rest of my life.

It’s not rocket science, as I’ve lost weight before and found success in getting into shape. I’m just tired of avoiding seeing people I haven’t seen in a while because I don’t want to experience the shame of them seeing me and thinking, “Wow! She’s gained weight!” Maybe they’re not actually thinking that, but my brain is telling me that’s what they’re thinking, and my brain is a complete asshole and knows all my weaknesses. Plus, logically, it’s probably true given where I was and where I am now weight-wise. So, here’s to me keeping it simple and finally getting to go shopping again…in my own damn closet!