My Candy Brain

Today, I sat at my desk about an hour after eating lunch, a pretty filling lunch, and my brain told me, “Hey! You need some chocolate. Go get a candy bar from the break room. It’ll be yummy! Then you can get another one a little later.” It told me this with such enthusiasm as if it was a moral imperative that I get up that second and go get myself a treat! I sat there for a minute and the first thing that popped in my head was, “What the fuck is wrong with you, brain?!”

Seriously!! What the hell?!?!

That’s the problem with my brain – it knows all my secrets…all my weaknesses. It’s as if it wants to sabotage me all the fucking time! I wonder what the brain of a thin, fit person says. I honestly have no idea! Does everyone think about food all the time? No. Of course not. Most men I know will either be thinking about sex or literally nothing. Nothing is their favorite thing to think about, from what I’m told.

My brain, on the other hand, seems to be fighting a war most of the time. If it had clans, they would probably start fighting and then notice a pot luck off to the side of the battle field and call a truce so they can all eat until they’re full.

The weight loss group I was around this time last year was great because a lot were close by, but all were available online. We always said when it came to weight loss and fitness that “solo is death.” I still have access to most all of those people online, and they’ll encourage me and cheer me on all I need. The difference is that none of them live up here, so I don’t have anyone checking in with me to see if I’ll be at the Orangetheory class tonight or if I’m up for a hike on Saturday. I’m flying solo…and it’s becoming more and more apparent the shittier my clothes feel on me.

I’ve got to figure out how to create my own clan up here…outside of my brain. I’m in the countdown to moving into my own place. I get my keys in less than a month now. I’m looking forward to only having food in my home that I should be eating. I’m excited about organizing everything just the way I want it. I’m trying to imagine how I’ll decorate my new place. What I’m really hoping is that I start some new habits that get me back to a healthier way of life. I just need to figure out how to shut up the little dipshit of a brain so he (I apparently think my brain is a guy) doesn’t continue to tell me to give in to all things bad for me. Any advice on just how to do that is greatly appreciated!!!

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