Rambling Thoughts

I saw a girlfriend of mine this weekend who I introduced to a weight loss/fitness group at the beginning of the year. She’s done an amazing job and is almost to her goal weight. I had been in my goal weight range for almost the first half of the year. After starting my current job, I’ve gained about 25 lbs. I can’t get back into the mindset I had then, but I keep thinking about something she said to me yesterday. She told me that she is always thinking about food. She wakes up thinking about it. She’s calculating the next time she can eat. She finishes a meal and starts imagining what she’s going to eat for her next meal. She’s exercising quite a bit, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but given the combination of everything, I know that is not how I want to live my life.

Sure, I’m heavier than I want to be, but soon I’ll be moving back into my own place and will only have access to the food I buy. I’ll be driving less and able eat at a decent hour and hopefully work out more often. I’ll be busy in the evenings getting my new apartment just the way I want it which will keep my mind busy. I’m really looking forward to that despite the fact that I’m a bit nervous about my finances. I’m trusting that it will all work out. There’s not use worrying about something that hasn’t come to pass.

I’ve considered going to an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting, but I don’t really think that’s the right course for me. I wish I was as skilled at losing weight as I am at gaining it. I just know that I don’t want to live my life being constantly hungry. I just don’t feel it’s sustainable long term.

I really miss having fitness-minded people around me like I had back in Austin. I don’t have a workout buddy. I don’t have anyone close by who is eating a keto diet. I know I’ve got my online support, but it’s different for some reason. I’m really hoping that once I move and get into a normal routine that I’ll find “my people” close by.

One thing I realized this weekend that I really miss is having someone special in my life. I’ve been talking with several guys but none seem to want to meet. Those I have met don’t seem to be in any hurry to see me again despite sounding very interested via text. It’s for this exact reason that I haven’t put much effort into meeting someone. It’s a catch-22. I want someone special in my life right now, but I don’t want to settle for any of the guys I’ve been talking with. You make time for what’s important to you. Guess I’m just not that important to them and they’re not important enough to me. I still miss that physical connection. A lot!

I haven’t been sleeping well either. I’m hoping that writing some will help. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately. That’s probably what’s added to my stress eating. Of course part of it is boredom eating. This week should be a little busier at work at least. I’ve got a few workouts scheduled and need to do some sort of exercise on the other nights in hopes that I’ll be tired enough to go to sleep. I’d really like one of these guys to firm up some plans with me just so I have something to do in the evening. Of course if I’m not sleeping, then going out in the evening probably isn’t a good idea. I’m just torn about the whole damn thing.

I feel like I’ve been rambling a bit, but I just need to get this shit out of my head so I can rest. I’m going to get a few meals ready for the week so I won’t snack as much. I hate that I know exactly what I need to be doing in order to lose the weight. My fucking brain is what gets in the way. I just need to reprogram it and I’ll be all set. Maybe I missed an update and it just needs a good reboot.

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This entry was posted in Health, Life Lessons, Loneliness, Starting Anew, weight loss and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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