I’ve heard a little from Striker today but I’m not engaging him much. I’m trying to figure things out and feel like I need to take a step back since I’m infamous for getting too involved/attached too quickly. It usually ends with a fizzle, and I’m afraid that’s what’s happening here too. Maybe this is a pattern for me and I need to casually date a bunch of people until one stands out amongst the rest.
Having said that, I had a conversation with my sister on Valentine’s Day and told her about the disaster of a date with Striker. She gave me an idea.
It’s time to go all “Weird Science” on my dating life!!
What do I mean by that? Well, if you’ve ever seen the movie, Gary & Wyatt get bored one night and decide to use their super awesome computer to construct the ideal woman. They think of everything from cup size (“Anything larger than a handful and you’re risking a sprained tongue.”) to music preferences/personality traits. They then get a Barbie doll, hook wires up to it and their computer, adorn their heads with bras (“It’s ceremonial.”), and press Enter. There’s a huge storm that occurs and out of the steam and smoke in the bathroom appears the living, breathing version of their doll. Shenanigans ensue, lessons are learned, and because of this, it will always be a favorite of mine.
Now…given all this, my sister suggested I do the same thing. Now first, I don’t have a G.I. Joe doll or a Commodore 64 computer to use, and I’m not going to adorn my head with a jockstrap, but I have decided to make a list of my ideal man in case a blog post is the new version of this process from the 80’s.
Below are qualities/characteristics of my ideal man. If any of you fit the bill, please let me know!!
- Brunette (healthy head of hair – no crazy bald spots hidden by a ball cap)
- At least 5’10” tall
- Great smile with no missing teeth and actually utilizes his smile
- Can keep a beat
- Enjoys either country or salsa dancing or is willing to learn (see above for skill needed to be successful at either)
- Can sing, mostly on key and enjoys going to karaoke with me
- Doesn’t drink more than 8 alcoholic beverages in a month (I’m not a drinker and do NOT want to be someone’s DD!)
- Exercises for at least 60 minutes at least 3 times a week and is closer to a healthy weight and works to improve himself
- Eats a healthy diet with the understanding that life is meant to be enjoyed but that is the exception and not the rule
- Is chivalrous – will open doors, use manners, and is polite to people of all races, genders, sexual orientations, ages, etc.
- Understands the importance of dating, even after you’ve been together for a while
- Is romantic and will do little things as well as grand gestures to show he cares (not asking more of him that I would do myself)
- Has a good relationship with his family and gets along with everyone
- Treats me like a lady in public and will ravage me in private
- Doesn’t have any serious medical issues that would prevent us from enjoying a full, active life together including traveling or physical activities like hiking, playing sports, or dancing
- Has friends outside of our relationship who I know but who he can go do things with on his own (I don’t want to be someone’s everything all the time.)
- Has a steady job working Monday through Friday, is somewhat ambitious, and as career goals
- Is financially stable – lives within his means, has an above average credit rating, and understands when you should and shouldn’t spend money
- Has his own place – house, apartment, etc. with no roommates
- Is great with children and is open to adoption should we decide we want a family
- Enjoys watching movies like Sci Fi, comedies, RomComs, dramas…basically, anything but horror, anime, or films with a lot of subtitles
- Has above average intelligence and can intelligently talk about a range of subjects from random trivia to the concept of multiple universes
- Is kind to animals, but would prefer to have a dog over a cat, rat, snake, etc.
- Has a good bedside manner for when I don’t feel good (which isn’t all that often)
- Is an optimist at heart and will always revert back to that way of thinking even after a rough patch
- Can communicate openly and will discuss things when we have a disagreement instead of yelling or storming off
- Will be respectful of me even when I’m not with him
- Sends random texts throughout the day just so I know he’s thinking about me
- Knows how to fix things or is willing to learn
- LOVES to snuggle
- Kisses the way I enjoy kissing!!
- Is not a selfish lover and is very adventurous
- Knows how to use proper grammar even in a text or email
- Will take selfies with me and will instigate them himself
- Adapts to an unfamiliar situation well
- Cleans up nicely but can also be just as attractive to me in shorts and a t-shirt
- Will come cheer me on (without me having to ask him to) when I enter a race or contest of some sort
- Loves my family and truly wants to be a part of it
- Compliments me when I look nice, comforts me when I’m sad, and enjoys PDAs
- Has a contagious laugh
- Doesn’t speak with his mouth full and has nice table manners
- Is more spiritual than religious
- Can discuss religion or politics WITH me rather than talk AT me
- Geeks out over silly things
- Plays or has played an instrument
- Understands that quality time with someone means putting your phone away and being in the moment
- Is more of an extrovert and enjoys being around new friends
- Likes to hold hands whether we’re at home or out
- Is a tidy person and like things orderly
- Will act goofy to cheer me up or make me smile
- Has a creative side like drawing, painting, writing, or something that requires him to create something original
- Is a non-smoker…period and doesn’t like going to smoky places!!!!
- Likes to talk on the phone rather than texting when we can
- Knows his way around a kitchen and how to cook actual meals (more than just reheating pre-packaged meals)
- Kisses me in the rain
- Dances with me randomly when the mood strikes and loves to hold me close when we slow dance
- Kisses my forehead
- Nuzzles my nose
- Admits when he is wrong and gives a genuine apology
- Understands that it takes two people to WANT to make a relationship work and will always want to better our relationship
This is a pretty extensive list…I know. I’m sure there isn’t ONE person who can fulfill all of this, but this is my G.I. Joe version of my ideal man. I understand that some of these might be open to interpretation, but I know how I interpret each of them, so I’m basing it off that idea.
If you can think of any other great qualities I’ve left off, please be sure to comment below. I’d be interested to see what qualities you look for in a partner as well. Maybe we can all sit together in solidarity with our jockstraps and bras on our heads as we anticipate the vision that will appear when the smoke clears.