GSB came over tonight. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things on my mind today, and he was a big part of it. We eventually talked, as he could tell I was a bit quieter than normal. In all honesty, I felt, and still do a bit, like I could start crying any minute. I finally talked to him about what “this” was. One thing I will say about him is that he makes it okay for me to talk with him.
Is he the right person for me? No. We both know that. We talk about that. We talked about loneliness. We talked about lots of things. I told him that, if I’m being honest, I want to be with someone who wants me all to himself. He absolutely understood. Do we have a connection? Absolutely!
I now know that despite me not saying what happened with my ex on Sunday, he would have been fine with it. He knows there’s a possibility that I could meet someone else. I know there’s an emotional connection, to an extent, with someone you’re sleeping with. I know I have that with him. For me, it’s unavoidable. It’s just how I’m wired. I need to learn to breathe and trust that things will work out the way they are meant to.
When he left, I felt better. I’m having a bit of mixed emotions right now, but part of that is also due to stress about a new apartment and changing my mind about a previous decision on where to live. I feel like I just need a good cry. Honestly, I feel like what I really need is a good cry in GSB’s arms. As with most things in my life though, I’m just going to have to do this alone. Maybe someday someone will hug me long and hard enough to put the pieces of my broken heart back together. Until then, I’ll take it a day at a time.