I want to pose a question to you, but I want to preface it by saying that I am not justifying anything I’ve done. I simply want some feedback because I am truly confused.
Towards the beginning of November, I started dating someone. We’ll call him GSB. Things seemed to be going okay, but I don’t know that I’d really call it “dating” per se, as it was mostly just sex. Great sex, but we haven’t really done much else. GSB is five years younger, and we don’t have a lot in common. He’d rather hang out with his dad and watch sports on a Saturday night than go out on a date or hang out with me. Sure, I’d say I deserve better, but great sex is great sex.
After being gone for the Thanksgiving holiday, he came over Sunday evening. As he was leaving, he mentioned that he’d checked out my profile on the dating app where we met and was confused because it said I was 18 miles away. He thought it was weird that it would show that given I was 2 1/2 hours away. It threw me back a bit. I responded saying that the reason it showed 18 miles away was because the last time I’d opened the app was just after we’d started talking and I was probably near my office at the time, which was about 18 miles away. I hadn’t been back on since. I told him I found it interesting that even after several weeks of dating that he was still on the app. GSB made light of it, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. He left shortly after to go home.
After he was gone, I sat there thinking about the conversation we’d had. He never really divulged anything he did when we weren’t together. For all I know, I’m one of many. Because of this, I sent him a text. I wanted to know where we stood because I wasn’t the type to sleep with more than one person at a time. If he was, I just wanted to know. Instead of texting me back, he called when he got home. I thought that was very mature of him. We talked about everything and both came to the sad realization that what we had was great physical chemistry, but that something extra that would take it to a long-term relationship just wasn’t there. I honestly thought it was over at that point.
That was until the next morning when I got my “Good morning Sweetie” text from him. I responded back with “Good morning,” but that was it. Nothing the rest of the day. Honestly, I was a bit confused. The next afternoon around 4:00 pm, he texted me again. At that moment I texted him back and invited him over that night because, “Fuck it! Good sex is good sex!” GSB was happy to oblige.
Fast forward to this weekend. I saw him Friday night for the “usual” fun. Saturday, late afternoon, I invited him over, and he was excited at the thought but said he’d have to call a little later as he was trying to finish some Christmas shopping. I figured by about 9:00 pm I’d hear from him as most stores would be closed. I texted him around 9:30 pm after not hearing from him. Finally, over an hour later he texted me to say he’d have to do this another night. I said I’d agree. I was a bit hurt he couldn’t text sooner that things were taking longer than expected. I mean how long does it take to send a quick text?!
I heard nothing from him all day today. I thought I’d get at least a mid-day text about not getting to see each other. I thought all day about the fact that our relationship is nothing but sex. I’m just a FWB. He’s a sweet guy, but there has been no commitment and we’ve already talked about this not being long-term. The vagueness of our relationship kinda bugs me.
I’d texted with a friend tonight to see how he was doing. This is someone I dated several years ago and haven’t seen in about two years. He’s been through some rough times but we care about each other, so we’ve stayed in touch. To make a looooong story short, he came over tonight and we had sex. It wasn’t good and was over pretty fast. The whole time I felt like a horrible person for even being with him given what I said to GSB about not sleeping with more than one person at a time. My friend didn’t stay over, although he was more than happy to. I just couldn’t have him stay, as I’d felt guilty for feeling like I was cheating even though we don’t have any commitment and have even mentioned this not being anything long-term.
I most likely won’t see my other friend for quite some time, but still really enjoy sex with GSB. My question is, do I end things with GSB or just treat it as a non-committal relationship which would give me the freedom to sleep with anyone? Honestly, I wish I could just go back to the beginning of the night and not have done anything with my ex. Will I ever be able to enjoy sex with GSB knowing what I’ve done? I didn’t say anything to my ex about GSB because he doesn’t need any guilt over doing something that is my issue. He’s got enough to deal with. I did finally hear from GSB tonight around 10:30 pm while my ex was still here. He was just saying good night and Merry Christmas (despite the fact that I’ve told him over and over that my family is Jewish). That made me feel even worse.
Seriously, any advice you have would be greatly appreciated.