For the last few months, I’ve found that I’ve been very easy to anger. I don’t like seeing this side of myself and I’m trying to figure out how to let things go. My commute one way to work is typically an hour, but even when traffic is light, my fuse is still just as short.
I’m frustrated with a lot of things right now. I don’t like being in a support position at work with no chance of promotion. I’m in my early 40’s, yet most people on my team are in their 20’s or early 30’s. I don’t have the same interests they do, and it can feel a bit isolating. I guess I don’t really care if we all hang out after work, but I never leave for lunch. I’m never invited to go to lunch. In fact, even if I left for lunch, I’d have to make sure to let both my bosses know I’m gone. I can’t just be trusted to leave at lunchtime and be back in a timely manner like a grown up.
My dating life is non-existent. I’m getting better at doing my own thing and not waiting around for someone to make plans with me at least. The only thing is that it is extremely lonely. For example, last night, I started chatting with, what seemed like, a very nice guy online. The conversation was going fairly well, and then he felt the need to ask me what my favorite fantasy was. Really?!?! There are so many other things to get to know about me and you jump right into sex talk?! I’m just tired of being constantly disrespected by guy after guy that I may just become celibate. I’ve got a FWB who I could call, but I really get nothing out of our visits. He gets his, basically demands that his back is scratched, and I get zilch. Why even bother?!
My girlfriend and I are heading to Florida on Saturday for a few days of R&R. I hope and pray that this break from the daily grind helps me get back into a more peaceful and relaxed state. Hell…I don’t even want to be around me at times, and we all know there’s NO break from that.