My Four Score

Four years ago today I was sitting on my couch contemplating the events of the day. I had acquired a new-to-me car who I have since named Gandalf. I was sporting an amazing new pair of silver pumps that I had purchased that morning. Both of these things were overshadowed by the one thing I no longer had as of that morning…a husband.

Today marks the four-year anniversary of my divorce. To most people it was just another day, but for me, it’s a day of reflection. I never entered into marriage thinking it would turn out this way. Do I miss him? No. I can honestly say I don’t. I’m in a pretty good place right now. Do I have everything figured out in my life? Hell no! Am I happier four years later? Absolutely!!

I’m proud to say I still have both the new-to-me car from that day four years ago as well as the amazing silver pumps. I’m sure someday September 6th will pass by and I won’t even register the significance of the date, but for now, I see this date as the anniversary of a new beginning. I see it as the first official date I started living for myself and no one else. Looking back, it’s amazing to see how far I’ve come. It’s nice to know that I CAN support myself and live comfortably. I’m continuing to learn to put myself first. I’ve made peace with my past, especially with not having kids. I know I’ve mourned that over the years, but now if it happens, fine. If it doesn’t, I just want to be happy.

Happiness as an end goal has made things much simpler. Now when I walk around with a smile on my face it is genuine. It’s not hiding the pain I’ve bottled up. That in itself is very freeing. Would I like to have someone to share my life with right now? Sure, but I don’t want to just settle for anyone. I’m in no hurry. I’m learning to stand up for myself and ask for what I want. All these things definitely make my life much happier, and that’s what it’s all about.

To my readers: I’m not sure what it was that I wrote that caused our paths to cross, but whatever the reason, I’m very grateful to have your company as my story continues.

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This entry was posted in Divorce, Infertility, Marriage, Starting Anew and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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