My Four Score

Four years ago today I was sitting on my couch contemplating the events of the day. I had acquired a new-to-me car who I have since named Gandalf. I was sporting an amazing new pair of silver pumps that I had purchased that morning. Both of these things were overshadowed by the one thing I no longer had as of that morning…a husband.

Today marks the four-year anniversary of my divorce. To most people it was just another day, but for me, it’s a day of reflection. I never entered into marriage thinking it would turn out this way. Do I miss him? No. I can honestly say I don’t. I’m in a pretty good place right now. Do I have everything figured out in my life? Hell no! Am I happier four years later? Absolutely!!

I’m proud to say I still have both the new-to-me car from that day four years ago as well as the amazing silver pumps. I’m sure someday September 6th will pass by and I won’t even register the significance of the date, but for now, I see this date as the anniversary of a new beginning. I see it as the first official date I started living for myself and no one else. Looking back, it’s amazing to see how far I’ve come. It’s nice to know that I CAN support myself and live comfortably. I’m continuing to learn to put myself first. I’ve made peace with my past, especially with not having kids. I know I’ve mourned that over the years, but now if it happens, fine. If it doesn’t, I just want to be happy.

Happiness as an end goal has made things much simpler. Now when I walk around with a smile on my face it is genuine. It’s not hiding the pain I’ve bottled up. That in itself is very freeing. Would I like to have someone to share my life with right now? Sure, but I don’t want to just settle for anyone. I’m in no hurry. I’m learning to stand up for myself and ask for what I want. All these things definitely make my life much happier, and that’s what it’s all about.

To my readers: I’m not sure what it was that I wrote that caused our paths to cross, but whatever the reason, I’m very grateful to have your company as my story continues.

This entry was posted in Divorce, Infertility, Marriage, Starting Anew and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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