Life is good. I can finally say that and mean it. I’m kind of proud of myself to be honest. I’ve been through a lot the last few years but feel like I’ve finally turned a corner…and I’m enjoying the view.
I may not have the job I want right now, but I’m good. I know that the only person who will take care of me is me so I’m making some changes to put myself in a better position…literally. When I interviewed for my current job, I asked my soon-to-be boss what goals he had for the person stepping into this role. He paused, told me it was a good question, and then said that he had no idea. What I’ve realized is that he really had no idea. I honestly believe he just wants me to be his assistant forever and that’s it. Well…I want more. Sure, I want, and really deserve, to make more money, but I don’t want to be someone’s assistant forever. I now know that’s all it will ever be where I am right now. Last Friday I had two interviews with two very promising companies and both went very well. I really want a job with the first company I interviewed with for several reasons. First, it is two traffic lights from my apartment. Yep…it would take me maybe five minutes to get there with traffic. Secondly, it’s with one of the fastest growing companies in the state. Finally, when asking my potential new boss the same question about goals that I posed to my current boss, he said that he was looking for VPs. Ummmm…YES please!! So, this is me taking care of me and working on changing my position.
I may not be in a relationship right now, but my relationship with myself is very healthy. I’ve spent so many years beating myself up over the silliest things that it bordered on emotional abuse. I’ve called myself names and shamed myself for not being a size two or being unable to conceive and having a failed marriage. I’ve done a lot of healing over the past few years and I’ve learned a lot. I know that there will always be someone smaller than me or more beautiful, yet the opposite is true as well. What’s important is that I know that if someone likes me, they will like me despite what I formerly saw as shortcomings or flaws. Have I met him yet? Nope. What I have discovered is that people make time for what’s important to them. At some point the right person will come along and will make me a priority without smothering me. Until then, I’m enjoying myself. I’m making plans that aren’t determined by whether or not a guy may or may not call to make tentative plans. It’s quite empowering. I see friends who are single struggle with issues I too struggled with before, and may struggle with in the future. The difference is that now I am seeing things more clearly and more objectively. I have made peace with my marriage ending and the fact that he is now remarried with a child of his own. To be honest, the movie Eat, Pray, Love really helped me by opening my ears to the right line at just the right time. When referring to a failed relationship, it is said to send him light and love and let it go. I think of that every time I start to question myself or start to feel sorry for myself that he has what he does. The truth is I don’t know what kind of relationship he currently has, but that’s not my concern anymore. He will always hold a special place in my heart, but I do send him light and love when I think of him. I wish him a very happy and healthy life and can see clearly why our marriage ended. Letting go of that has been very freeing…and extremely healing.
I may have taken a long time to get to this point, but I’m very happy to be here. Life is meant to be enjoyed and that’s what I intend to do. I don’t know what is in store for me professionally or personally, but I am experiencing many positive steps in the right direction that leads me to believe things will only get better. To all my readers – I send you light and love in this new year and hope it brings you the happiness we all deserve.