My eyes opened this morning, and the debate started. Do I text him, do I not text him. Ugh!!!! My stupid brain always has to be RIGHT ON when it comes to issues like these. Why can’t I have selective memory…EVER?!?! I got dressed and headed out to tend to my girlfriend’s dog while she was out of town. I went back and forth for a few minutes as I headed towards her apartment and finally, while stopped at a light, I typed a text to William that simply said, “Happy Birthday William. I hope you’re doing well.”
I took a deep breath and hit send. The light turned green. It was done. I sent it.
I relaxed a bit as I continued on my way realizing that I may or may not hear back from him. Ten minutes after I hit send I got a text from him. I really didn’t expect that…at all!! He thanked me for the birthday wishes and said he was ok. He was still working stupid hours. He asked how I was.
I replied back kind of expecting small talk, but instead I got a few tidbits that I didn’t expect to hear. He told me his dog (who I loved spending time with) missed my visits. I told him I miss them both. He said that he missed me too and missed spending time with me. He said that he often thinks about me and his mom even asked him the day before if we still see each other. I told him to tell her hi, and he said he would. We both agreed that it has been really tough not talking to each other. He told me I was an amazing person and that he’d love to at least be friends. I told him I was always his friend, but that I had been debating on whether or not I should text him. I finally realized that the bottom line was that we ARE friends, and friends wish each other happy birthday.
We ended up texting back and forth for almost four hours. There was so much I had wanted to tell him over the last (almost) two months. It has been difficult to see or hear or do something that I wanted to share with him but didn’t because I was giving him some space. It’s just not fair when you get along with someone so well and have so much in common. You can’t help but want to share your life and experiences with one another.
We decided that being friends means we get to talk to and see each other. I know he’s not ready for a relationship and may not be for a while. I’m not sure if there was something about our relationship…or me for that matter that didn’t allow him to get emotionally attached. The fact that he still thinks about me and misses me made me feel good. We hadn’t ended our relationship on a bad note, but rather it ended because I knew things weren’t progressing and I didn’t want to feel lonely while IN a relationship.
Our conversation wound down, and I went about my day. I kind of thought I’d hear from him later in the afternoon, but was doing my best to have no expectations. We haven’t had any more contact since then, but I feel better knowing that contact is a possibility again. Knowing him…and I do know him…I’m sure I’ll hear from him, but I’m going to do my best to let him make contact the next time. I was giving him space for a reason, and I don’t want to push or seem over eager. After all, we’re not a couple. We’re not talking about dating again. I’m not sure I’d even want to go there unless HE felt he was ready. I just don’t think that will be any time soon. In the end, I’m glad I hit send.