I was sitting on my couch last night listening to a song that HD introduced me to. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was realizing that with every guy I get involved with it’s just another set of memories to get past. I miss something about every one of them. Does this get easier?
Last weekend I went on a date with a guy I met on an online dating site. This was the third date I’ve had from guys I’ve met on this site. The first two seemed to go very well and they’ve both kept in touch. I think they would both like to see me again, but I feel like I’m at their mercy because I don’t want to seem desperate by texting them all the time, and they’re somewhat infrequent with their contact. The guy I went out with Saturday was very attentive prior to our date…almost in a creepy way. We talked on the phone on Friday evening and then planned on getting together Saturday night with his best friend and best friend’s wife who were in town. He texted me quite often throughout the day on Saturday and at one point sent me a text saying, “Missing you.” Keep in mind I hadn’t even met this guy in person yet. I finally texted him and told him that I understand that he may have been single now for a while, but I’m new to this, so could we go into tonight with no expectations. He reassured me that we’d just have a good time. To make a LOOOOONG story very short, I’ll give you the breakdown of the date in bullet points:
- After having a nice dinner at a restaurant in a very public place, he peed next to his truck while we waited inside it.
- While at the second bar we went to he not only made a rude remark to a girl who walked by, but when she looked back at him his response was, “Bitch you better not look at me like that.”
- He tried shoving ice down my shirt.
- Finally, at the end of the night he was so drunk he couldn’t even drive us home…his buddy had to.
Needless to say I have not responded to his text from Sunday morning asking if I was feeling okay. Considering how fucking sobering that night was, I’m fine not speaking to him again even via text.
I guess I just want to be courted. I want someone who I have a mutual attraction with to want to talk to me as much as I want to talk to them. Seriously, how long does it take to send a quick text to someone just to say hi and make their day a little brighter? Why do I feel like an afterthought? I guess it’s time I really stopped and thought what I really want. Sure the loneliness gets to me, but is it worth having flings that don’t develop into anything more than that? Why is it that I am completely honest and open with these guys but get the feeling that they’re just playing the field and waiting for something better to come along? I’m just so comfortable with the guys I’ve already met. I really don’t think I’m gonna meet “the guy” on a dating site. At least I gave it a shot. I guess I’m realizing that sometimes it’s better the devil you know than the one you don’t…and there are a shitload of devils out there!!