I’ve just about hit my limit for the amount of change one person can take in such a short amount of time. Over the last few weeks, I have filed for divorce, told my friends and family of our decision (with a ton more left to inform), put my house on the market as of today, and tomorrow morning am interviewing for a job that I’d love to get but which I have no idea of the pay involved. I am having trouble keeping myself composed right now as I am completely overwhelmed by everything I am dealing with currently and am going to be dealing with in the very near future.
Future…that’s a strange concept. As it’s not something that we’ll ever actually be in, I’m having to learn to live one day, one moment at a time. I just keep telling myself that I need to make it through this moment…right now. At this moment, I’m having to learn to use Google Docs as I’m not as familiar with it because I’ve always used Microsoft Office. I will be required to use it tomorrow morning during my three-hour interview so I’m getting familiar with it so I am as prepared as possible. That’s this moment.
I have been learning to sleep alone. My hubby has moved into our guest bedroom which is on the other side of the house. I have pretty much cried myself to sleep every night. I want nothing more than to be held until I can drift off, but I know that is not something that will happen for a while…and never again from my hubby. That fact is KILLING both of us! We know why we made the decision we did. We understand it. We’re both just having trouble, a lot of trouble, dealing with it.
I need to be out of this house. I need this job to come through and pay well so I can move out. I need to keep telling myself that staying with him means zero chance of a family and a family is something that is very important to me. I need to be able to live independently and it be okay. I need…I need to make it through one day without crying, without feeling like my whole world is crashing down around me.
As I’m sitting here, I’m realizing that I can either let my situation control my life or I can take control of my life and make it what I want it to be. I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I HAVE to believe that it’s going to be better than I expect.
I leave you all with one of my favorite quotes from a movie. It comes from Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium and is spoken by the eccentric Mr. Magorium himself. “Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.”