Maybe I don’t know what love really is. After all, why would I do to my husband what I’m doing? Why would I do to Rick what I’m doing? I’ve been fine with what I’ve been doing until today. Today I made the BIG mistake of mentioning to Wade that I’m talking with Rick again. Keep in mind that this was the same man who had no problem having playtime with me via text, video, phone, and, in a few cases, in person. He is now engaged to the love of his life. This is the woman who 1. He cheated with while she was dating someone else. 2. Cheated on him while they were dating. 3. He was a back together with the last time he and I had playtime. He is now telling me that he’s disappointed in me since I’m talking with Rick again. He also thinks it’s not fair what I’m doing to my hubby and Rick. So, basically, he’s had an attack of conscience. I do understand that he talked me through things each time I started things back up with Rick and I know he doesn’t want to deal with that again. I honestly don’t blame him. I think I need to give him some time and see if he contacts me again. I’m scared to death that I won’t hear from him. I guess I’ve learned that some things are better left unsaid.
As I mentioned I’ve been fine until today. That includes what I did over the weekend. I briefly chatted with Evan on Saturday night and we both flirted back and forth. It was a lot of fun. At the same time I was doing this, I was chatting with a family friend who graduated with my brother. Chad and I have known each other a VERY long time…so long indeed that his aunt was our Avon lady when we lived in Cincinnati. Our moms play mahjong every Wednesday together and I was even at his wedding back in 1994. I know for a fact that he’s had a thing for me since we were teenagers. This last weekend I saw him at a bar I had gone to with my hubby. We had attended a high school band reunion on Friday night and then left there to head to the bar with a bunch of people from my brother’s class since it was their 20th reunion last weekend. That’s when I ran into Chad. When he saw me, he came over and gave me a big hug. My hubby didn’t think anything of it since he knows Chad. During the night I’d walk over to talk to Chad and see how he was doing. He’s always been a bit of a flirt (a good one at that) and so the flirting began. At one point he told me, in front of a friend of his, that he’d do me. That got my heart pumping. He told me later that when he said that I smiled and got a twinkle in my eye. I thought it would be nice to take a pic together so I handed my phone to a friend of his and just as he snapped the pic, Chad kissed me on the cheek. Throughout the rest of the night, there were hugs, the occasional ass graze by him, a few texts, as well as more flirting.
The night ended and we all went home. The next morning I had an IM from him saying hi. It was nice to see he hadn’t forgotten about me. That night was his reunion party, but I invited him and his wife over to my parents’ house for dessert afterwards. They didn’t make it over, but he did text me later…as I was finishing up my conversation with Evan. (Rick was somewhat unavailable all weekend…although he was with his wife in the same town where Chad lives…which isn’t but 20 minutes from my parents’ house.) During our conversation, I asked Chad if he had ever had sex with another woman since he’s been married. He said yes. Knowing him, I’m not really surprised, but still…it gave me an idea of how he sees flirting and so on with women who aren’t his wife. We exchanged a few pics and I told him about John, Wade, & Rick. It didn’t seem to bother him…obviously. Then he told me he wanted me to meet him somewhere on Sunday because he wanted to kiss me. I know that Rick desperately wants to do this as well, but I’ve never been able to get up the nerve. For some reason that wasn’t the case with Chad…maybe because I know with him it’s just for fun. I actually have feelings for Rick and vice versa. We talked a little while longer and then went to bed.
The next morning, after some playtime with the hubby, we finally got up and out of bed. I got up, took a shower, making sure to shave EVERYTHING, and began getting ready. I sent Chad a text and asked him how long it would take for him to get to the junior high my brother went to. He said about 20 minutes. I asked him if he could get away and he of course answered yes!! I told him to text me when he’s about 5 minutes away and I’d head that way since it would only take a minute or two to get there. I made an excuse to run a few errands and quickly headed out after getting his text. We met in the parking lot behind the school. I parked my car, got into his car and said hi. We talked for maybe 30 seconds just saying hi when he asked me if I had a kiss for him. That’s when it started. Oh my fucking God!!!! We got hot and heavy in a fraction of a second and before I knew it his hands were down my shorts or on my breasts and I was rubbing his rock hard cock through his shorts. We stopped for a minute and looked at each other, both of us smiling, and then we started again. This time he put his hand down the front of my shorts and started fingering me. I kissed him harder. His lips are so soft!! I could have stayed there all day!! He told me he wanted to bend me over the back seat and fuck me hard. I wanted that too, but I knew that was going a bit far. I can still taste his kiss. I can still feel his hands on me. At one point he asked me what I was thinking and I realized I wasn’t thinking about anything. I was just in the moment.
I felt bad leaving him without a release, but we both had to go. He had to get back to his wife and his house guests (whom he left to come be with me) and I had to actually run the errands I set out the run. I gave him one last kiss and then got back in my car and we both drove away. I got back to my parents’ house…and my hubby…and felt GREAT! Even to this day I’m still playing it over and over in my head. After doing this, I realized that I could do the same thing with Rick. Rick…I had forgotten about him. How devastated he would be to know that another guy had me first! I did tell Rick about Chad, but not that I had done anything with him. So, now I’m lying to my hubby, Rick, Wade, and, most importantly, myself.
Flash forward to this afternoon and my cluster fuck in telling Wade about Rick being back in the picture. Now the conscience is popping up again, but it didn’t keep me from flirting with Rick or Chad today. I’m starting to realize that I really am angry with my hubby and this is my way of getting back at him. Why am I mad you may wonder? He and I tried for 10+ years to get pregnant which included two frozen and two fresh cycles of IVF with no success. Our last attempt ended in a miscarriage and it was completely devastating to me. I told him I wouldn’t go through that again as it was too physically and emotionally draining. Logically, our next step is adoption, but my hubby has a problem with the cost associated with it. What pisses me off is that he won’t spend the money to start a family, but he’ll spend several thousand dollars to take a trip or two per year. He’s fine with it being just the two of us, but if that’s the case then why did I put my body through all that shit?!? I guess I’m coming to the conclusion that I’ll never be a mom and that at least I can have a little fun in the meantime. Sure wish I knew that 10+ years ago!!
The hubby and I still have sex quite often, as he’s benefitting from my extracurricular activities. I just wish I could have a relationship with him that allows me to have relations with other men since I don’t have to worry about staying home with the kids. Oh well…a girl can dream!